Should i start with that "Hey assalamualaikum" thingy? Its 2019 bij move on. Its funny how i try to keep up with blogging every single post that i made but end up coming back a year later. We plan but who fucking knows man. Bak kata atuk aku "Beli serai naik perahu, belum try belum tahu" Aeyyy. Lol.
I visited my kampung belah ayah just now. How can a person that you know always smile, always show positive vibes, cook for you, suddenly.. become a different person. Its heartbreaking to watch people going through 'sakit org tua' phase. I think its important for us to look at our elder and at least have empathy. They been through a lot and we can learn a lot from them. I acknowledge that im not good with elder people. I dont know how to start a conversation with them, but i know deep inside me i can feel the empathy. The connection that i have with my body and my brain is so weak towards what i really want to do and thats human flaws. We tend to do something we dont want to do.
Idk how this post gonna lead me to. I have a lot to say and sometimes blogging for me is saying to people the matter that i dont have conversations that much.
Am i lonely? Sometimes i guess, and i guess its normal when u reached 20-ish age. And the loneliness its bearable. Its not how i used to felt when im alone when i was 17, 18. Like i was needy. Af needy. I NEED ATTENTION. Hahaha. But its okay now. The more you grow up, the more you want to distance yourself from people. Thats how i feel. Hence hypothesis accepted. If you ask me do i want to go back to my old life, i would say i dont want to. I dont know who i am back then, unfortunately i am until now. But i slowly focusing on myself and i discovered a lot about myself that i didnt even notice. Like im a super anxious people. I cant ride fast ride such as roller coaster and something like that without feeling super self conscious towards controlling myself to not to throw up. That is super uncool. I wish im that kind of person that can make their adrenaline going crazy and just forget about the world, their problems. But im always be that person who uses music to be in different world. And talking about music tho, i dont know why im studying it like an idiot now. Like i want to know every single instrument in songs. Its kinda my new hobby now to listen a full album and studying it. Lol. Like i will listen and try to correlate my interpretation about that song whether lyrical content wise, or instrumental wise, with Youtuber that do reaction videos. Lol im weird and i like weird stuff so bye.
Wednesday, 13 February 2019
Friday, 24 August 2018
change
hey, assalamualaikum :) do u ever think that change is crucial for your life? I always wanted to change. But scared to, or dont have the gut to let go of the past and start new. I mean, i was scared. I scared that whatever things that im going through in the future doesnt excite me anymore. I have wonderful past, i think so. Until one fine day, i felt like the world was against me. The feelings was unstoppable. I dont know how to feel alive. I cried at 6pm, I cried at 3am. I felt that nobody were going to understand me, the most scary part was i dont even know myself. The weep was more easier than being strong.
Easch one of us has our own story to tell. The struggle that we try to overcome. The sin that we repent last night, seems like we still do it today. I mean, we human. I am not good with religion, but im glad that i'd raised by a family that hold tight with our religion. We still have faith. The faith that keep me going. I know some day im gonna be okay. But u never going to be okay if u dont change whats broken. How to heal your heart if u dont pick the pieces of your heart and mend them together. Its not other people are going to repair yourself, its you. Its never be anybody else. But its nice to have someone here and there, but you dont depend on other people that much, especially for your happiness.
I struggle a lot to find my identity. I dont know what i want in life, i dont have goals. Too focusing for my surrounding, the people that demand me to make themselves feel good until i felt that i dont even owned myself. People dont respect me. They do whatever the fuck that they want, play the guilt card with me. Man i was naive, i thought that everyone were being nice to me as long as they wanted to be friend with me. Little that i know they were taking advantage of me.
One day i was reading this book from our local writer Teme Abdullah. His book was about his journey study abroad. How he worked hard to paid his tution fee. How his friend betrayed him and took all the money that he had to paid for the fee. The struggle that he felt, the dream to get his education, i look at myself and i was 21 years old, dont have a job, dont even graduate, already planned to get married with someone. I dont condem the young couple who get married, in fact i respect them. They have this braveness to take huge responsibilities in a young age. But i dont see myself doing that. I watched my siblings growing up, my parents become old day by day, the struggle of my dad raised us with his own daya kudrat financially. Man i dont know if i can do that, im not ready. So here i am, begging myself to change for better self.
I need to change the way my brain works act on something that happend in my life. The way i interact with people, the way i study, basically every angle of circumstances in my life and not being this old me. Still, trying is hard. But in order to fail is for you to stop planning, so i guess i need to continue planning for my next goal everyday until i die.
Easch one of us has our own story to tell. The struggle that we try to overcome. The sin that we repent last night, seems like we still do it today. I mean, we human. I am not good with religion, but im glad that i'd raised by a family that hold tight with our religion. We still have faith. The faith that keep me going. I know some day im gonna be okay. But u never going to be okay if u dont change whats broken. How to heal your heart if u dont pick the pieces of your heart and mend them together. Its not other people are going to repair yourself, its you. Its never be anybody else. But its nice to have someone here and there, but you dont depend on other people that much, especially for your happiness.
I struggle a lot to find my identity. I dont know what i want in life, i dont have goals. Too focusing for my surrounding, the people that demand me to make themselves feel good until i felt that i dont even owned myself. People dont respect me. They do whatever the fuck that they want, play the guilt card with me. Man i was naive, i thought that everyone were being nice to me as long as they wanted to be friend with me. Little that i know they were taking advantage of me.
One day i was reading this book from our local writer Teme Abdullah. His book was about his journey study abroad. How he worked hard to paid his tution fee. How his friend betrayed him and took all the money that he had to paid for the fee. The struggle that he felt, the dream to get his education, i look at myself and i was 21 years old, dont have a job, dont even graduate, already planned to get married with someone. I dont condem the young couple who get married, in fact i respect them. They have this braveness to take huge responsibilities in a young age. But i dont see myself doing that. I watched my siblings growing up, my parents become old day by day, the struggle of my dad raised us with his own daya kudrat financially. Man i dont know if i can do that, im not ready. So here i am, begging myself to change for better self.
I need to change the way my brain works act on something that happend in my life. The way i interact with people, the way i study, basically every angle of circumstances in my life and not being this old me. Still, trying is hard. But in order to fail is for you to stop planning, so i guess i need to continue planning for my next goal everyday until i die.
Sunday, 5 August 2018
I have intentions to make a cover of Youngblood and Want you back from 5 seconds of summer because i love those dorks so much and i want to fall in love in piano again. I also want to train my left side of brain because i want to balance out the function of my brain. I have this idea of if i train my left side of brain, i can draw better. Haha cause i already fedup kena komen dgn lecturer my drawing buruk and im kinda sad abt it. Left the class and when home crying ahaks. And i really cant sing man dont judge me by that haha i just wanted to do this for fun and hope ur ears dont bleed hek
Thursday, 26 July 2018
13 reasons why
hai, assalamualaikum :)
idk how to start. i mean i have a little ideas, and i need to write this blog asap if not my idea will just gone away. have u guys watched 13 reasons why yet? if not, u guys need to check that show out. ok imma start with the lessons that i learned from watching that show.
among all of the characters from that show, the person that i like the most is the discipline teacher which is Mr Kavin Porter. Look at the way he cried and sobbing during the court time, thats fucking phenomenal. He teached me a lot of how to treat other people right, especially if that person seek for your help. I mean, we tend to neglect people easily, and when that people gone away, we blame every possibilities that we could, then lastly we realize that we are part of it.
ok enough of that, its too mainstream haha. My least fav ship, goes to Jessica and Justin. Idk maybe teenagers like bad relationship. We do right? Hahaha. You know when your partner done things badly, and u still in love with them, thats toxic relationship right? So idk, im not into this toxic relationship anymore. It hurts.
idk how to start. i mean i have a little ideas, and i need to write this blog asap if not my idea will just gone away. have u guys watched 13 reasons why yet? if not, u guys need to check that show out. ok imma start with the lessons that i learned from watching that show.
among all of the characters from that show, the person that i like the most is the discipline teacher which is Mr Kavin Porter. Look at the way he cried and sobbing during the court time, thats fucking phenomenal. He teached me a lot of how to treat other people right, especially if that person seek for your help. I mean, we tend to neglect people easily, and when that people gone away, we blame every possibilities that we could, then lastly we realize that we are part of it.
ok enough of that, its too mainstream haha. My least fav ship, goes to Jessica and Justin. Idk maybe teenagers like bad relationship. We do right? Hahaha. You know when your partner done things badly, and u still in love with them, thats toxic relationship right? So idk, im not into this toxic relationship anymore. It hurts.
Saturday, 29 July 2017
Resipi cupcake paling mudah! (iced peanut butter cupcake)
Bahan2 (untuk masak 8 biji)
Adunan kek
🎂 2 sudu makan butter / majerin
🎂 115g gula perang
🎂 58g crunchy peanut butter (lady's choice mentega kacang halus)
🎂 1 biji telur (dipukul sedikit menggunakan garfu)
🎂 1 sudu teh vanilla essence
🎂 113g tepung gandum
🎂 1 sudu makan baking powder (serbuk penaik)
🎂 50ml susu (sebarang susu boleh digunakan)
Adunan topping
🎂 100g cream cheese
🎂 1 sudu makan butter
🎂 115g icing sugar
Cara2nya
1. Letak 8 muffin paper cases dalam muffin tin
2. Letak butter, gula, dan peanut butter dalam mangkuk dan kacau 1-2 minit (digalakkan 2 minit) sehingga adunan sebati. Tambah telur dan pukul dgn sebati kemudian letakkan vanilla essence. Ayak tepung dan baking powder. Kemudian menggunakan teknik fold, masukkan tepung dan baking powder tadi kedalam adunan butter tadi. Akhir sekali, masukkan adunan yang telah siap ke dalam muffin paper cases menggunakan sudu (disarankan 1½ sudu makan ke dalam satu muffin case)
3. Bakar cupcake dlm oven (pastikan oven dah panas terlebih dahulu) 180℃ selama 25 minit sehingga sudah berwarna keperangan
Cara2 buat icing
1. Letak cream cheese dan butter di dalam satu mangkuk kemudian menggunakan electric whisk, pukul adunan sehingga lembut. Ayak icing sugar dan masukkan ke dalam adunan dan pukul sehingga sebati.
Setelah cupcake sudah masak, tunggu sehingga sejuk dan boleh lah decorate cupcake menggunakan icing tadi mengikut cita rasa anda! selamat mencuba 😊
tips: untuk pastikan cupcake anda cukup masak, cucuk sedikit cupcake anda menggunakan lidi, dan apabila anda cabut lidi tersebut dan tiada kesan berair (adunan tidak masak) maknanya cupcake anda sudah masak secukupnya! Tapi bila tak masak, anda tambah sedikit masa lebih kurang 10 minit dan ulang semula teknik menggunakan lidi tadi.
Adunan kek
🎂 2 sudu makan butter / majerin
🎂 115g gula perang
🎂 58g crunchy peanut butter (lady's choice mentega kacang halus)
🎂 1 biji telur (dipukul sedikit menggunakan garfu)
🎂 1 sudu teh vanilla essence
🎂 113g tepung gandum
🎂 1 sudu makan baking powder (serbuk penaik)
🎂 50ml susu (sebarang susu boleh digunakan)
Adunan topping
🎂 100g cream cheese
🎂 1 sudu makan butter
🎂 115g icing sugar
Cara2nya
1. Letak 8 muffin paper cases dalam muffin tin
2. Letak butter, gula, dan peanut butter dalam mangkuk dan kacau 1-2 minit (digalakkan 2 minit) sehingga adunan sebati. Tambah telur dan pukul dgn sebati kemudian letakkan vanilla essence. Ayak tepung dan baking powder. Kemudian menggunakan teknik fold, masukkan tepung dan baking powder tadi kedalam adunan butter tadi. Akhir sekali, masukkan adunan yang telah siap ke dalam muffin paper cases menggunakan sudu (disarankan 1½ sudu makan ke dalam satu muffin case)
3. Bakar cupcake dlm oven (pastikan oven dah panas terlebih dahulu) 180℃ selama 25 minit sehingga sudah berwarna keperangan
Cara2 buat icing
1. Letak cream cheese dan butter di dalam satu mangkuk kemudian menggunakan electric whisk, pukul adunan sehingga lembut. Ayak icing sugar dan masukkan ke dalam adunan dan pukul sehingga sebati.
Setelah cupcake sudah masak, tunggu sehingga sejuk dan boleh lah decorate cupcake menggunakan icing tadi mengikut cita rasa anda! selamat mencuba 😊
tips: untuk pastikan cupcake anda cukup masak, cucuk sedikit cupcake anda menggunakan lidi, dan apabila anda cabut lidi tersebut dan tiada kesan berair (adunan tidak masak) maknanya cupcake anda sudah masak secukupnya! Tapi bila tak masak, anda tambah sedikit masa lebih kurang 10 minit dan ulang semula teknik menggunakan lidi tadi.
Thursday, 20 July 2017
long missing, long post??
Hey, assalamualaikum :) its me again. eventho i've been neglecting this blog, been thinking of never posting anything here anymore. 😖 but, life goes his way. here i am, trying to post something. how u guys doing, seem like this girl lost in her life. im learning a lot of stuff this past few months, i bet everybody did.
have u ever felt the feelings of hating everyone? i mean, not everyone, but u just want to be alone that moment. i felt that all the time. i thought i never feels that anymore. but here i am, posting a blogpost because i want to be alone. but kinda productive-alone-hence-im-writing-konon-macam-tak-buang-masa. as u can see, my last blogpost was on oct 2016?? i guess. so i've been MIA for almost 9 months. less or more. i've been trying to involve myself more towards people. "sozializing" u can called. i've been away from my phone, since i like to stalk people pastu feel bad about myself like why lah i dont happy like them like whyyyyy. maybe because i just dont appreciate things around me very well. be specific, 'people' around me that well. its my habit to fix things. to try to figure out something new, bak kata org melayu "yang tak dpat dikejar2kan, yg dikendong berciciran" ?? fuck me if im not right. so im kinda in mission to stop figuring out/fixing things that just not meant to be. just fucking enjoy ur life, i mean this moment.
ok fine lah i want to give u example. like look at ur calendar right now, and tell me what date is today. not "im your date cause im ur jodoh" kinda pick up line please. ok its 18/7/2017 or whatever date u are when u reading this post. idk man, this year gone so fast. the other day i look up at my calendar and its only like march. and now its freaking july and we already celebrated our raya already like what the fish. so with that being said, time goes by pretty fast. whatever things that mess up in ur mind right now are going to be gone. like exams, and stuff. i know some of u guys maybe gone through a terribe thing but, tuhan takkan bebankan hambanya lebih dari kemampuan diri kan? and always have god in ur mind, insha Allah u feels less miserable. and always have a good niat u guys. before u guys wanted to do something bad, just remember is it a good deeds or not. if not, just leave it. you will get over of it.
p/s: i hope i will update this blog more often. babai 😊💗
have u ever felt the feelings of hating everyone? i mean, not everyone, but u just want to be alone that moment. i felt that all the time. i thought i never feels that anymore. but here i am, posting a blogpost because i want to be alone. but kinda productive-alone-hence-im-writing-konon-macam-tak-buang-masa. as u can see, my last blogpost was on oct 2016?? i guess. so i've been MIA for almost 9 months. less or more. i've been trying to involve myself more towards people. "sozializing" u can called. i've been away from my phone, since i like to stalk people pastu feel bad about myself like why lah i dont happy like them like whyyyyy. maybe because i just dont appreciate things around me very well. be specific, 'people' around me that well. its my habit to fix things. to try to figure out something new, bak kata org melayu "yang tak dpat dikejar2kan, yg dikendong berciciran" ?? fuck me if im not right. so im kinda in mission to stop figuring out/fixing things that just not meant to be. just fucking enjoy ur life, i mean this moment.
ok fine lah i want to give u example. like look at ur calendar right now, and tell me what date is today. not "im your date cause im ur jodoh" kinda pick up line please. ok its 18/7/2017 or whatever date u are when u reading this post. idk man, this year gone so fast. the other day i look up at my calendar and its only like march. and now its freaking july and we already celebrated our raya already like what the fish. so with that being said, time goes by pretty fast. whatever things that mess up in ur mind right now are going to be gone. like exams, and stuff. i know some of u guys maybe gone through a terribe thing but, tuhan takkan bebankan hambanya lebih dari kemampuan diri kan? and always have god in ur mind, insha Allah u feels less miserable. and always have a good niat u guys. before u guys wanted to do something bad, just remember is it a good deeds or not. if not, just leave it. you will get over of it.
p/s: i hope i will update this blog more often. babai 😊💗
Thursday, 20 October 2016
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