Should i start with that "Hey assalamualaikum" thingy? Its 2019 bij move on. Its funny how i try to keep up with blogging every single post that i made but end up coming back a year later. We plan but who fucking knows man. Bak kata atuk aku "Beli serai naik perahu, belum try belum tahu" Aeyyy. Lol.
I visited my kampung belah ayah just now. How can a person that you know always smile, always show positive vibes, cook for you, suddenly.. become a different person. Its heartbreaking to watch people going through 'sakit org tua' phase. I think its important for us to look at our elder and at least have empathy. They been through a lot and we can learn a lot from them. I acknowledge that im not good with elder people. I dont know how to start a conversation with them, but i know deep inside me i can feel the empathy. The connection that i have with my body and my brain is so weak towards what i really want to do and thats human flaws. We tend to do something we dont want to do.
Idk how this post gonna lead me to. I have a lot to say and sometimes blogging for me is saying to people the matter that i dont have conversations that much.
Am i lonely? Sometimes i guess, and i guess its normal when u reached 20-ish age. And the loneliness its bearable. Its not how i used to felt when im alone when i was 17, 18. Like i was needy. Af needy. I NEED ATTENTION. Hahaha. But its okay now. The more you grow up, the more you want to distance yourself from people. Thats how i feel. Hence hypothesis accepted. If you ask me do i want to go back to my old life, i would say i dont want to. I dont know who i am back then, unfortunately i am until now. But i slowly focusing on myself and i discovered a lot about myself that i didnt even notice. Like im a super anxious people. I cant ride fast ride such as roller coaster and something like that without feeling super self conscious towards controlling myself to not to throw up. That is super uncool. I wish im that kind of person that can make their adrenaline going crazy and just forget about the world, their problems. But im always be that person who uses music to be in different world. And talking about music tho, i dont know why im studying it like an idiot now. Like i want to know every single instrument in songs. Its kinda my new hobby now to listen a full album and studying it. Lol. Like i will listen and try to correlate my interpretation about that song whether lyrical content wise, or instrumental wise, with Youtuber that do reaction videos. Lol im weird and i like weird stuff so bye.
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